I AM A Super Star?
by Fleeting Eternity
Summary: The question on everyone's mind: Why was Doofenshmirtz skating in his underwear? Episode: Tip of the Day. Well, he didn't lose a bet, he was chasing a dream; which just happened to intermix with trashing Love Handel's popularity. End chapter finished!
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1_

Perry the Platypus worked carefully as he cut a hole in the side of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated using a high-powered laser pointer. Once the hole was cut, Agent P jumped perfectly through it making dignity-filled landing on the floor. Doofenshmirtz slowly looked up from the tea that he was lightly sipping and glanced at Perry.

"Oh, Perry the… the… the… _ACHOO_!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz sneezed. It was just then Agent P noticed that Dr. D wasn't looking too good. He was relaxing in a comfy chair while drinking hot tea and reading magazines. He also looked abnormally pale, and his nose was chap from blowing it into tissues so many times.

Doofenshmirtz sniffed a few times before continuing. "Sorry Perry the Platypus, I've come down with a horrible cold. Ugh, I feel terrible."

Perry looked at him, unsure what to do. He began to head for the hole he had made in the wall, thinking about exiting before Dr. Doofenshmirtz stopped him.

"You, you know, you don't _have _to leave if you don't _want _to. You could, uh, hang out here. There's plenty to do! You could, uh, oh no, that's evil-you wouldn't like that. Or maybe… no, that's evil too. Actually, now that I'm going over it, everything to do here is basically evil. But here, take a seat."

Agent P walked to a chair next to Doofenshmirtz as he waited for him to continue.

"Well since there's nothing here for you to entertain yourself with, I've got a story to tell if you wanna hear it," Heinz offered.

_Why not? _Perry thought. He nodded his head yes.

"Okay," he began, "I hate to bring this up again, but remember the tape of me from high school? I was, um… skating… in my underwear." Doofenshmirtz was clearly embarrassed by his high school charade, not wanting to go into too much detail.

Agent P nodded his head yes again.

"Well it's kind of weird _how _that happened. I didn't get the chance to explain it the other day; I was too busy trying to get rid of the tape that I didn't even think about providing an explanation. But surprisingly, I didn't lose a bet like you probably thought I did. Oh no, it was very far away from a bet. In fact, it wasn't even close. I was chasing my dreams, Perry the Platypus. No, not dreams of skating in my underwear, but dreams of being in a band. You see, it all started back on the first day of my senior year in high school…"

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was the first day of Heinz's senior year; the year that he would finally get a fresh start. He had just moved from Germany to America, and he planned to make a good impression. He would start a band, get a girlfriend, and finally not look like a rejected fool. The young man walked into his school with a feeling of confidence. It felt good-that feeling didn't seem to find Doofenshmirtz much those days.

While he casually strolled to his first class, he made sure his head was up high and a smile was on his face. If Heinz wanted to _be _confident, he had to _look _confident.

He got his locker number from his home room teacher and headed off to put his books away. The boy who had a locker to the right of his introduced himself.

"Hey," he began. "You're new here, aren't you?"

Doofenshmirtz turned to face the boy, excited that someone had noticed him. "Yes, I am new. I'm Heinz Doofenshmirtz, nice to meet you."

"Well I'm Matt. If you need anything, just ask."

"Thanks… uh, man," Doofenshmirtz answered, still trying to act cool. He had read up on youth American greetings to make sure he didn't stick out like a sore thumb. Matt was about to head off to class before he stopped himself, he had to ask Heinz one more question.

"Hey, uh, Heinz?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"I noticed your accent, where ya from?"

"Oh, uh, Germany. I just moved here this year."

"Well, welcome to America!" Matt swung his bag over his shoulder and headed to class.

_Good job, Heinz. So far so good… Apparently your 'lingo' is fitting in…_

_Bbrriinnng! _The bell to begin class interrupted Doofenshmirtz's thought.

_Well, off ya go, bud. Good luck._

Heinz walked down the hall and entered his home room, Mrs. McKenzie's class. It was just then he realized something. _Did I seriously just wish good luck to myself?_


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

_BBBRRRRIIIINNNNGGG! _The final bell to leave school rang the loudest in Heinz's ears, probably because he was expecting it the least.

He walked out of the classroom and saw Matt at his locker.

"Hey Matt," he began. "What's goin' on?"

"Ah, nothing; just getting a few books that I forgot. How was your first day?" Matt asked, waiting for Heinz's reply.

"It was great! There are a lot of nice people here. It's just weird seeing English writing everywhere. I'm still getting used to it."

"Ha ha," Matt laughed, "I know what you mean."

"Really?"

"Well kinda, if you count math as a foreign language."

Heinz chuckled to himself as he followed Matt out of the main doors into the bright sun of 3 o'clock in the afternoon. They both squinted, forgetting how bright the sun really is on an August day.

"Dang that's bright," Matt said, stumbling as he tried to find his car. "Ah, here we are," he said as he pressed the button to unlock it.

"Hey Heinz," Matt began as he climbed into the driver's seat, "you need a ride?"

"Well I was planning to walk. And it's nice outside, so I guess I'll just stick to walking."

"Alright. Hey you want my phone number?" Matt asked.

Doofenshmirtz thought for a second. _Why is he wondering if I want his phone number? He can't possibly want to… ask me out or something… _Matt could read the expression on Heinz's face and quickly added in an extra part to the sentence.

"For, uh, rides I mean… or to call each other if we're bored or for homework or something. Trust me, I'm _not _asking you out on a date. Not that someone wouldn't _want_ to ask you out… you're just… not _right _for me."

There were a few seconds of an awkward pause.

"Wow, I just now realized how weird that sounded," Matt said as he laughed to himself.

"Trust me," Heinz began, "you're not the first one to slip up. But yeah, I'll take your number."

Matt scribbled numbers onto a scrap piece of paper from out of his pocket and handed it to Doofenshmirtz.

"There ya go," Matt said.

"Thanks," Heinz replied. He thought for a few second. "Actually, do you mind if I ride with you? I'd like to talk a little more."

"Sure, no problem. Just tell me where you live and I'll drop you off."

Heinz climbed into the passenger seat and observed the car. "Nice car. Is it new?"

"Thanks," Matt replied. "Actually it's used, but it's not very old, only a year or so. It's really great, I love it."

"Mmm," he answered.

They had already been driving for a few minutes before Heinz had asked about the car. After a few more minutes, Matt turned on the radio and tuned it to his favorite station.

"And that," the radio announcer began, "was _Snuck Your Way Right into My Heart _by Love Händel. It's currently number one on the charts and sweeping its way into radio stations all over the nation."

"So is Love Händel pretty popular?" Heinz asked, still trying to get up-to-date.

"_Pretty _popular?" Matt asked sarcastically. "They're the best! I memorized all of their songs."

"Oh, do you sing?" Heinz asked with deep interest.

"Me? Oh, no no no no no. I have got to be the worst singer ever."

They both paused their conversation as they listened to the radio announcers for a few more seconds. Matt stopped the silence.

"So, do you sing?" Matt asked.

"I don't know." Heinz answered truthfully.

"You don't _know_? How can you _not_ know?"

"Well I've never tried. But my dream is to start a band, or join a band. Either one is fine."

"Well can you play any instruments?" Matt asked.

"No."

"Then if you can't play any instruments and you don't know if you can sing, then how do you plan on joining a band?"

"I'm not sure yet. The time will come."

"Okay…" Matt said, drowning out each letter.

Suddenly, the radio seemed to get a lot louder, or maybe it was just the stillness creeping up on them. The radio announcer came back on.

"Speaking of Love Händel, did you hear the news?" one announcer said.

"What news, Bill?"

"Their lead singer just quit, so they're holding try-outs for a replacement this Saturday at the Danville Arena."

"TRY-OUTS!?" Heinz yelled so loudly that he surprised himself.

"You're not seriously thinking of trying out for the lead singer, are you?" Matt asked.

"Actually, I was thinking of trying out."

"You can't!" Matt yelled. Heinz shot a dirty look at him. "Sorry, I overreacted. What I mean is, Love Händel has got to be the best band ever. Do you seriously want to mess with the best?"

"Uh, yeah, I do. And I plan on getting the lead singer position as well."

Matt came up to a stop in front of Doofenshmirtz's house. "This is your place, right?" he asked.

"Yep. Thanks for the ride, Matt."

"No problem. See you tomorrow?"

"Uh huh."

Matt drove off as Heinz stood staring into space in his front lawn. _Am I good enough? _He thought. _Ugh, Heinz! Don't go putting negative thoughts in your head. Think positive. You're gonna hear how beautiful your singing voice sounds, and then Love Händel will hear how beautiful your singing voice sounds. No problem, absolutely no problem._


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

Heinz walked into his house and headed to the shower where, he decided, was the best place to discover if he could sing. No one—or nearly no one—could hear him, but he could hear himself… and get clean.

He stepped into the shower and turned on the water. "Alright, H, here you go. You're about to hear how magnificent you sound!" Heinz said as he talked to himself, carefully trying to coax himself to sing.

"Now, what to sing, what to sing?" Heinz thought about songs he liked and eventually picked _Snuck Your Way Right into My Heart _to be the first song he would ever sing.

"Alright, here goes nothing." Heinz opened his mouth wide as he had seen other famous singers do, and waited for the beautiful sound to pass through his lips. But what he heard was the exact opposite of what he had expected.

_"Yyooooooou ssnnnuuuck your way right iiinto my hhhhhheeeeeaaaaarrrrrttttt!" _Heinz blurted out in a cracked, pitchy, and flat and squeaky voice.

"OH NO!" he yelled, still trying to avoid reality. "No, no, this _can't _be! How can I _possibly _sound this bad?" Heinz decided he would try singing it again, maybe the first time had just been a fluke. But yet again, the lyrics to the song sounded just as repulsive as before.

"What am I supposed to do now?!" Heinz felt that he might cry. Maybe all the people back in his small town, Drueselstein, had been correct about him all along—maybe he _was _a loser. Heinz heard a light knock at his bathroom door. He peeked his head out from the shower. "Come in."

His father pushed open the door and began yelling at him in German, he wasn't too good with English yet. "Was war das schreckliche Geräusch!?" He continued rambling on, so Heinz had to yell over him.

"Papa!" he screamed, and his father stopped yelling. "That 'terrible noise' was _me_. I'm kinda going through an emotional breakdown here, so could you just leave!?"

Heinz's father had understood a few words of that sentence, enough to understand what his son was saying. He was a little bit of a gruff man, but he wasn't _that_ heartless. He left the bathroom without another word.

Heinz wrapped a towel around his waist, ran from the shower, and plopped onto his bed. _Great, _he thought, _this is just wonderful! _Then he had an idea.

"Hah!" he gasped. "That's it!" Heinz began collecting all of his CD's, and gathering them into a pile. He headed to his computer and commenced burning all of his favorite tracks onto one CD. He talked to himself as he worked. "If I take all of these great musical artists and burn their songs onto a CD, then I could construct a ray that would zap me with music from the CD I made, and I could sound as great as all of these singers combined! It's brilliant!"

Heinz had always been interested in science, and had taken the liberty of studying it during his free time. He especially enjoyed constructing different inventions of his own, although he only did in extreme cases, because he was still an amateur.

Heinz sat in his chair staring at the screen for a few more hours waiting for the computer to load, before he finally realized that he was still in his towel.

He went to his dresser where he pulled out a loose black shirt and jogging pants. He wasn't going anywhere, might as well relax while his plan unfolded before him.

The phone in his room began ringing, and he went to answer it.

"The Doofenshmirtzes," he answered.

"Heinz? It's Matt."

"Oh, hey Matt." Heinz talked in a bit of a rush, with his eyes still locked on the computer screen.

"Are you busy or something?" Matt noticed the hurry in Heinz's voice. "If you are I can call back later."

"No, no, you're fine. I'm just… doing something."

"But if you're doing something, doesn't that mean you're busy?" Matt asked, still not believing that Heinz wasn't doing anything.

"Just ignore me." Heinz said.

"So, can you sing? Or, do you still _not _know?" Matt asked while he laughed to himself.

"Oh I can sing, just not yet."

"What? That doesn't make sense!"

"It will all make sense Saturday when I become the lead singer of Love Händel."

"Alright man, see you later."

"Okay, later."

Heinz laid the phone back down into its receiver. "That was a short call. He must've just been wondering if I could sing yet."

A _ba-deep-bleep _sound came from his computer. Heinz walked over to it where the words "UPLOAD COMPLETE" read on the screen.

"Yesss!" he said excitedly. Heinz pulled out the disk and set it carefully in its own plastic case. "Here you are, little guy. No running off, now. You're my future and my ticket to Talent Street."

He yawned and then looked at his clock. It was only 8 o'clock at night. "Hmm, feels later. I must still be getting used to the time change."

Heinz got into his bed anyway and turned off the lights. Tomorrow he would head over to a hardware store where he would buy parts for the actual ray.

_**The Next Morning at Danville High**_

Heinz approached his locker with a wide-spread smile on his face. Everything in his plan was working perfectly. He spotted Matt talking to someone, but he couldn't make out who it was. Heinz decided to approach them.

"Hey Matt," he began.

"Oh, hey, Heinz. Geez, you look extra-happy today." Matt answered. It was just then Heinz noticed who Matt was talking to. It was a girl with shiny, black hair that hung just a few inches below her shoulders.

"Well," Heinz began, trying not to stare at the girl, "who's _this_?"

"Oh, excuse me, how rude!" Matt said. "This is my friend, Allison." Allison reached her hand out toward Heinz so that they may shake hands. "Nice to meet you," she said a bit shyly as she smiled. Heinz grinned back at her, happy to meet another person.

"So," Allison began, "I hear you're trying-out for the lead singer position in Love Händel."

Her voice was almost a jolt of electricity to Heinz; he hadn't realized he was staring into her eyes.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I am."

"That's really cool!" Allison said. "How long have you been singing for?"

"Well," Matt interrupted, "only since about… yesterday."

"You've only been singing since _yesterday_?" Allison asked as she turned to face Heinz.

"Yep, only since yesterday," Heinz answered.

"Hmm. What voice part do you sing?" Allison asked again.

Heinz began thinking. _What voice part? I don't know! What is a voice part anyway? _He began to panic, what if he couldn't answer her question? But then Heinz remembered when he was younger and was playing a trivia game with his friends. One of the facts on the cards said that "Female opera singers usually sing in the voice part soprano." Thankful that he remembered this, Heinz exclaimed the first thing that came to his mind.

"_Soprano! _I, uh, sing voice part soprano."

"_You _sing _soprano_? Really? I can't even get _my _voice to go that high," Allison answered, amazed.

"It's a, um, inherited talent; from my, er, great-great-great-grandmother's side. She sang opera, so, ya know, soprano!" Heinz said as he laughed nervously, hoping to make the bluff sound as believable as possible.

"That's interesting," Allison said, hoping he would say more. At that moment the bell rang. _Ugh, thank God, _Heinz thought.

"Well, I've got to get to class," Allison said. "See you later?"

"Uh, yeah, see you later," he said as he watched Allison walk away. Matt began to laugh at Heinz, and based his statement judging by the look on his face. "Ooo! You like _Allison_!"

"Stop, Matt, I do not," Heinz said while trying to escape from his words.

"Yes you do, I can see it on your face!" Matt said, acting much like a young kindergartener rather than a senior in high school.

"Don't be immature. I'm sure there's someone _you _like too," Heinz answered while pointing at Matt.

"So, you _do _like her?" Matt asked, although it sounded more like a statement.

"Well, she is cute," Heinz said while blushing a bit.

"Dude, I could totally set you up with her! Allison's really nice, and I'm sure she'd go out with you, and—"

"MATT!" Heinz interrupted. "You don't have to set me up with Allison, in fact, please _don't_, I'm not really into dating these days."

"You're not? Why?"

"I, I'm… I'm just not up to it. I don't know if I'm _ready _yet."

"But you told me you _wanted _a girl friend."

"I know."

"So…?"

"I guess things just look better in dreams."

"Ah, man, I—" The final bell to be in class broke up their conversation again.

"Oh, shoot, I'm gonna be late. See you, Matt."

"Bye, Heinz."


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4_

The second day of school had just finished, and Heinz walked outside to head to the hardware store. He walked lightly on his feet, not really caring how fast or slow he went; he just followed his own pace. He looked forward to hearing his new singing voice, and no one was going to ruin the moment for him. A few minutes after leaving, Heinz heard a car honk. He turned behind him to see none other than Matt.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Matt yelled from to Heinz from inside his car. "I thought I was driving you again today."

"Nope," Heinz answered back, once again continuing his walk, "I've got some shopping to do."

"Oh, alright, see ya." Matt drove past Heinz and continued down the street.

Around fifteen minutes later, after a couple rounds of a little more of a brisk walk, Heinz reached the hardware store. He opened the doors and began to survey the inside.

"Whoa," Heinz gasped, looking at all the shelves upon rows of items. "Stores back in Drueselstein were never as big as this."

He began browsing, mouth agape, at all the products they had for sale—which made him wonder _what _he actually needed to build a ray that will make you possess a wonderful singing voice. After thinking through materials for a few minutes, Heinz decided he would have to visit an electronics store first. Luckily there was one right down the street, so he would just have to walk a couple of blocks.

Heinz entered the store knowing exactly what he needed—a CD player. What else was going to transfer the music, or play the music at the least? He grabbed the first one he saw, bought it, then ran back down to the hardware store. He had a pretty good idea of what he needed now. Probably a few sheets of some light metal or thick aluminum and a bunch of either screws or nails would do it. Although, he did need an opinion from someone who was pretty much an expert with building things—but he wasn't stupid enough to ask "So what do you recommend for constructing a ray to make you sing better?" Maybe a more… general… approach.

Heinz headed to the main counter and rang the bell on lying on top of it, even though the man was standing right in front of him. He looked up lazily from his computer where he was pricing merchandise and gave a very unenthusiastic, "How may I… ugh… help you?"

"Yes," Heinz said, a little intimidated by the man, "I need your opinion on something."

"Okay, what?"

"Uh, let's say you were to…"

"…build a ray?" the man interrupted, finishing Heinz's sentence.

"Um, yes. How did you know?" Heinz asked.

"I can read minds."

"What!"

"Ha, just kiddin'. You talk to yourself a lot, kid."

Heinz blushed, almost to the point where it felt like his face was burning. _You talk to yourself a lot, kid, _he mocked in his head. _Well, gees, thanks for being polite and pointing that out!_

"Here," the man said as he put his arm around Heinz's shoulder, "follow me." He guided Heinz to the different parts he would need to complete his invention, and they both debated back and forth about different products for hours. After finally deciding on materials, Heinz headed back home to start building the ray.

He headed to the basement of him home where all the tools were and started working. He first took the CD player and put the CD he had composed into the compartment. Next, he attached wires from where the headphones would be plugged in, to the tip of where the ray would be shot out. After attaching a large series of metal to the front, he made a trigger that would signal the CD player to play and release the beam. He was almost finished. Just a couple more screws and he would be done. And after a few more minutes of careful work, the ray was finished.

"Yes!" Heinz yelled when he completed his work. "All my hard work has finally paid off!" He ran up the stairs to his room, closed the door, and sat as his desk with his ray in hand.

"Hmm, you need a name," he said to his invention. "Something cool and easy to remember… something like… I've got it! The Sing-inator! Er, no, that doesn't sound right. Maybe the Voice-Change-inator! Ugh, that doesn't sound right either… I feel like I'll have to use that name for something later…"

Heinz continued, again, talking to himself for quite some time before the phone rang.

"The Doofenshmirtzes," Heinz answered like he always did.

"Heinz, it's Matt! So, I was thinking about you and Allison a couple minutes ago, and I think that…"

Heinz hung up the phone before Matt could finish his sentence, he really did _not _want to think about Allison, and he had more important things to take care of. Matt didn't call back for a while; he must've gotten the message.

"So, about that name…" Heinz continued from where he left off. "Well, until I can think of a better name, you will be called the Ticket-to-Becoming-Lead-Singer-of-Love-Händel-inator. Not very catchy, but at least it serves a purpose."

Heinz hid the Ticket-to-Becoming-Lead-Singer-of-Love-Händel-inator in his drawer and went to watch some television before going to bed. But before he could find the remote, the phone rang again. He sighed and went to pick it up.

"The Doofenshmirtzes," he said again.

"Heinz! It's Matt."

"Really? I couldn't tell," Heinz said sarcastically. "Look, if this is about Allison, I'm hanging up again."

"It's not. Okay, it is. But please don't—" Heinz hung up the phone once again and went to turn on the TV. The phone rang again.

"Matt, fine, _what _about Allison?" he asked when he answered the phone.

"Well, I know you don't want to date her, but I seriously think you guys would get along great," Matt said, clearly with good intensions.

"Two things," Heinz began, "One, it's not that I don't want to date _Allison_, I just don't want to date period. Get it?"

"Uh huh."

"And two, we've only seen each other for like ten minutes! In a hallway! She can't possibly like me after meeting me for ten minutes."

"Or maybe it was _love at first sight_," Matt said, acting like a poorly-trained match maker.

"Seriously, Matt."

"Just think about it, okay? I know you like her."

"I mean, I do like her, and fine, maybe I do have a little bit of a crush on her, but that's it! No one else but me gets crushes after ten minutes of meeting someone."

"Are you _sure_?" Matt asked.

"Pretty much, yeah," Heinz answered, starting to get a little annoyed.

"Well you're _wrong_. My parents got married after just knowing each other four months."

"_Four months! _That's ridiculous!" Heinz yelled.

"Oh, is it?"

"How did that marriage work out?" Heinz said while laughing to himself.

"They've been married twenty years. OH, what now?!"

"Well they got lucky. Normal people don't get married after four months and stick with it."

"Are you sure?" Matt asked again.

"How many of your relatives have extreme relationships!?" Heinz screamed.

"Ha ha, I'm just kidding. Point is, it's _okay _to have a crush on Allison. In fact, it's _more _than okay. What I'm saying is that you should totally ask her out."

"Again, NO, Matt," Heinz answered, becoming even more annoyed.

"Alright, but you're missing out," Matt said and hung up without another word.

Heinz walked back to the TV and turned it on. But he was barely watching the program; his thoughts rotated between Allison and Love Händel.

_Maybe I should listen to Matt and just ask Allison out,_ Heinz thought. _Hello! Earth to Heinz! You've only seen her once! At least get to know her a little more before asking her on a date. Now, about Love Händel…_

That night, Heinz fell asleep in front of the TV. He woke up to the sound of the phone ringing again. He urgently looked at the clock—it was 6:00 a.m., just half an hour earlier than when he woke up on school days normally. He reached for the phone.

"The… Doofen…shmirtzes," he yawned.

"Pssst! Guess who!" the voice said.

"WHAT, Matt?!"

"Meet me at the Sapphire Suite Diner tonight at eight. I need to talk to you in private."

"Why can't you just tell me now?"

"There are people here, Heinz. And these people are listening." The phone line went dead.

_This guy is definitely off his rocker, _Heinz thought.


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5_

_**The Sapphire Suite Diner – 8:00 p.m.**_

Heinz drove his father's car to the diner that night; he didn't have one of his own. _I wonder why Matt wants to meet me at such a fancy restaurant…or, uh, diner. Gees, this is fancy for a 'diner'. 'Diner' may actually be an understatement! No… there's no way this is a diner, _he thought.

Heinz handed over his car keys to the valet—that's how upper-class that place, or, excuse me, "diner", was. He then stood by the entrance, leaned up against the side of the building, and waited. Many people glared at him as they walked by, wondering why he was loitering. They might have over-looked him if it wasn't for Heinz being dressed casually.

He continued to glance at his watch every couple of minutes—it was already eight thirty, where could Matt be? Heinz decided that Matt may actually be _inside _the restaurant. He strolled inside and approached the man with a list of reservations.

"Good evening, sir," the man began. "Do you have a reservation?"

"Uh, I don't think so…" Heinz said. "Look, I wanted to know if anyone named Matt might've talked to you lately."

"No," the man with the list pondered, "I don't believe I have met any Master Matt's tonight. Now if you don't have a reservation, please _run along_."

Heinz began to walk out of the restaurant, about to give up and ready to drive home before a thought struck him. He ran back up to the man.

"Actually, is there a _Heinz Doofenshmirtz _on the reservation list?"

"Hmm… no, I'm afraid not."

"What about a… _Matthew Pearson_?"

The man scanned over the reservations again, mumbling multiple names to himself as he flipped through the pages. "Ah, yes, it seems there is. Follow me, and I'll show you to your table." The man directed Heinz through the restaurant and sat him at his table. But when he got there, Heinz wasn't alone. Allison was also seated at the same table.

"Here you are, sir," the man said. "A waiter will be back with your menus in just a couple of minutes."

Heinz turned around in his seat, hoping that Allison hadn't seen him. But she did.

"Heinz? Is that _you_?" Allison asked, leaning left and right trying to get a better view of the boy.

Heinz gritted his teeth, took a deep breath, and turned around, prepared to face such a beautiful and sweet, sweet girl.

"Uh… yeah. It's me," he answered sheepishly.

"I thought so," Allison said. "I know this is gonna sound crazy—but I seriously have no idea why I'm here. Matt called me last night and said he wanted to meet me here. But he never showed, so I asked about his name on the reservations list and, well, here I am."

Heinz tried so hard not to look into Allison's eyes; they were as shiny and luscious as a freshly polished emerald. He snapped back to reality.

"Yeah? Well, that happened to me too."

Allison smiled a little flirty smile. "I think he was trying to set us up."

Heinz began to sweat—what if she had figured out his crush on her? No, that couldn't happen—he wouldn't allow it.

"Really… Matt setting _us _up? You think so?" Heinz asked, trying to hide the shakiness in his voice.

"Well _I _think so…" Allison said, smiling again.

"Look, I know this is a little awkward, so we could leave, ya know, if you want to."

"…but I _really don't _mind," Allison finished, still continuing her flirty smile. Heinz gulped. _A girl can hit on a guy, can't she? Heinz, Allison's not hitting on you—that's just plain stupidity. Suck it up! A girl likes you, LIKES YOU! This may never happen again. And since she's flirting, play along._

"Yeah, well," Heinz laughed, "I guess we should thank him or something."

The waiter appeared suddenly at Heinz and Allison's table with their menus. "Please pardon us for the wait, we're very busy tonight." He handed them each their menus and a glass of water. "Hello, I'm Luke and I'll be your server this evening. Would you care for anything to drink?"

"The waters we have now are just fine," Allison said while leaning on the table staring into Heinz's eyes.

"Alright, I'll be back in just a few minutes to get your order for dinner," Luke said as he walked away to tend to another table.

"So," Allison said, "since we're here we might as well talk about something."

"I, uh, couldn't agree more," Heinz said, still sweaty from getting nervous.

"If this isn't too personal," she began, "have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"No."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. So have you ever had a boyfriend?"

"Just one, Matt."

"Matt was your _boyfriend_!?" Heinz asked, extremely surprised by Allison's statement.

"Ha ha, yeah he was. We broke up at the end of last year."

"Oh… why?"

"It's a _long _story. And I'd rather not go into it if you don't mind."

"Oh, excuse me! Sorry, I didn't mean to get personal," Heinz said, imagining him smacking himself in the back of the head for getting too deep in her business.

"So what song are you going to sing to try out for Love Händel?" Allison asked, trying to change the subject to something easier to talk about.

"You know I've never really thought about it until now," Heinz began. "But I guess I should sing one of their songs just so they can see how I'm familiar with their style of music."

"Good idea," Allison agreed while gently bobbing her head.

"Mmm hmm," Heinz answered while staring off into space. He was running out of topics to speak about. "So what do you like to do for fun?" he finally asked after thinking up another question.

"Well I'm actually a musical person myself as well, I play the piano. I also sing. It's kind of funny; it seems I'm always attracted to musical people even before I know they do that type of thing."

"Yeah I can see how—" Heinz stopped short in the beginning of his sentence. _Did Allison just admit she likes me… subtly? Come on; think of something to say back so that she gets the same message!_

"I think it's funny how I'm always attracted to cute, sweet, caring girls before I even know their personality," Heinz said in a suave, sophisticated manor while looking straight at Allison.

"Oh, really?" Allison giggled. She also had a light tint of blush come rushing to her face. "Well, I've got to say, you always have cau—"

"Are you two ready to order?" Luke said as he came to their table, pen in hand, ready to get their orders for dinner. Heinz was starting to get a teensy bit angry.

_She was just about to say how she liked me! I know it! And then 'Luke the Waiter' had to come and steal it! Just steal the moment right out of my hands! Grr…_

"No," Heinz said urgently, "we're NOT ready to order. How about you come back in… never."

"Uh," Luke began, then decided to walk away.

"Alright," Heinz continued, "where were we?"

"You've always caught my attention," Allison said after a brief pause. "I just felt weird asking you out because we've only met each other once."

"I feel exactly the same way! This is great! I mean, it's not great that you were nervous; it was great that you liked me. Or, um, _do _like me. Not _liked _me, because you still like me don't you? No, what I mean is… that, er… I totally screwed this up."

"Ha ha, yes, yes you did." Allison laughed. "But I get what you mean."

Heinz smiled. "I hate to admit it, but I can get, uh, nervous around girls."

"I think I can fix that," she whispered. Allison slowly leaned into Heinz's face and kissed him on the cheek. _"Sexy," _she said slowly as she leaned back from the table, grabbed her purse, and slowly walked away.

Heinz stared in the direction she was walking and lightly touched his cheek where Allison had kissed him. "Oh… my… God. I gotta call Matt!"

He ran out of the restaurant jumping up and down like a puppy chasing after a treat. After getting in the car and driving home, Heinz immediately called Matt without skipping a beat.

"Hello?" Matt said as he answered the phone.

"Matt, it's Heinz!"

"You're, uh, not mad about the, um, _date _thing… are you?" he asked sheepishly, waiting for the yelling and fighting to start.

"Are you _kidding_? Tonight was great! Allison _kissed _me, Matt!" Heinz answered, talking at speeds up to one hundred words per second.

"Whoa, whoa, _what_? Back up. Allison _kissed _you?!"

"Believe it."

"Well was it a _kiss _kind of kiss or just a kiss?"

"That doesn't make sense."

"Did she kiss you on the lips?"

"Well, no, but…"

"Then it was 'just a kiss'."

"Well it was big to me! I barely get kissed by my parents."

"Nice, dude. But good job! Ha, first date and you've already got Allison in the palm of your hands."

"Matt," Heinz criticized, "please don't talk about Allison like she's my evil minion or something."

"If they're not evil minions, then _what _are girls?"

"MATT!"

"Just kidding. Really, man, I'm happy for you! So I guess there's only one more thing to check off on your list."

"My… _list_?" Heinz asked, not following what Matt was talking about.

"Yes. Remember your 'list of wishes' that you were telling me about a few days ago? Like how you wanted a girlfriend, and to get in a band, etc.?" Matt said slowly, making sure he was clarifying.

"Oh, _that _list. But Allison isn't just something you can check off a list. She isn't a specific task or anything."

"Heinz, it's _cool_, be _loose_. No worries, I know you don't think about Allison like that."

"Well you totally ruined my happy mood," Heinz said while sulking in his chair.

"Don't let me ruin your little 'kissing dream'."

"Hmm. Oh, by the way, Allison said something about you two being _exes_."

"Exes? Um, what do you mean by that?" Matt asked, even thought he knew exactly what Heinz was talking about.

"I mean, why didn't you tell me that you and Allison were PREVIOUSLY DATING!?"

"I don't know! It never came up in a conversation!"

"What do you mean 'it never came up'? Allison is all we've talked about for the last few days!" Heinz answered, almost yelling into the phone now, but still trying to keep his voice down. "You didn't get her to date me because of some alliance you guys have, right?"

"Oh, yeah, Heinz. I have an 'All Ex-Boyfriend and Girlfriend Alliance Group' and we're plotting to completely play with your heart and ruin your love life."

"So I'll take that as a 'no'?" Heinz answered quietly.

"Yep," Matt answered. There was a little bit of an awkward silence before Matt broke it once again. "Okay, well I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow, glad your date went well."

"Okay, tomorrow?" Heinz asked.

"Tomorrow."


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6_

_**Saturday Morning**_

Heinz woke up that beautiful Saturday morning with the sounds of birds chirping and the sun shining—it was gonna be a great day, because this wasn't just _any _Saturday. It was the Saturday of the try-outs for Love Händel, which he planned to nail.

He yawned, stood up, stretched, and looked at the clock. It was ten. Great, try-outs, (or as Heinz called it, destiny), weren't until two. That gave him plenty of time to relax, unwind, and enjoy his victory to come. Although Heinz would use most of that time getting ready, he wanted to look great and _definitely _wanted to be prepared.

Heinz strolled to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and hair, then picked out his favorite outfit. He went to grab the Ticket-to-Becoming-Lead-Singer-of-Love-Händel-inator before his conscience intervened.

_Do you really want to do this, Heinz? _His conscience urged. _You'd be cheating lots of people._

"Ugh, I don't care," Heinz mumbled to himself. "People have cheated me."

_Yes, but these aren't the same people—they're completely different individuals and you should respect that._

"Well no one ever showed me respect…"

_Heinz…_

"Conscience…" Heinz mimicked sarcastically.

_Fine, fine, just go ahead and do it. But remember your karma. What—_

"—goes around comes around, I know."

Heinz quickly dismissed the idea before it came back to haunt him and grabbed the ray.

"Aah," he sighed, relieved from discovering it was safe. "Thank goodness." Heinz glanced at the clock again. "Hmm, eleven-thirty… Well I guess it's not _too _early to leave now. Besides, the arena is kind of far."

He took the Ticket-to-Becoming-Lead-Singer-of-Love-Händel-inator and shoved it into his tote bag, hopefully no one would notice. Heinz had tried to make it small so that it wouldn't stand out. Although, now that he was going over it in his mind, he prayed no one would mistake it for a hand gun. _But then again, what hand guns are purple? _Heinz thought.

He romped down the stairs into the kitchen where he grabbed an apple to snack on along the way.

"DAD," Heinz yelled as he ran out the door, "I'm taking your car!" He climbed into the car without a response from his father, swung his tote into the passenger seat, and began driving.

"I suppose getting the directions would be helpful…" Heinz thought out loud as he stopped the car for a moment to take out the map. "Someone should seriously make something that installs in your car and can tell you where to go—it would be a lot easier than carrying a map everywhere."

After about twenty minutes of driving, Heinz began feeling anxious. He turned on the radio to Matt's favorite station to calm his nerves.

"Hey, y'all, Bill here live from the Danville Arena covering the Love Händel try-outs with my good friend, Ricky!" the announcer said.

"Thank ya, Bill. And, shoot fire, is it crowded down here or what!"

"CROWDED!" Heinz yelled. "Auditions don't start for two and a half hours!"

"That's right, Rick, people have got to be gathering in the thousands! This has got to be as popular as American Idol!"

"Oh gees…" Heinz whispered.

"And, woo-ee! Security is tight! They're scanning basically everything to check for weapons! I don't even think they're allowing cell phones in."

"Well, yeah, we don't want another Beatles incident, now do we?"

"But a cell phone didn't have to do with any of their deaths," Rick replied.

"Yes, but…" Bill said. Heinz cut off the radio. "I think this is doing more bad than good."

He arrived at the Danville Arena and found the closet possible parking spot to the arena that he could. Sure it was thirty rows down, but who was counting?

Heinz grabbed his tote, closed and locked the car door, then shoved off to the back of the line. Or, that was the plan until a thought came to him.

_"And, woo-ee! Security is tight! They're scanning basically everything to check for weapons! I don't even think they're allowing cell phones in."_

"Dang it," Heinz said as he trudged back to the car. He once again unlocked it and climbed back in. Heinz took a deep breath and slowly pulled out his ray.

"Well I suppose I should've tested this _before _the day of the try-outs," Heinz pondered, "but there's no turning back now."

He pointed the ray at himself and shot, except he didn't feel anything. No unexpected jolt of electricity, no nerves being frayed, no blood-shot eyes. Heinz expected to look at least a _little _bit shook up from the blast. "Strange."

Heinz looked back at the line growing longer and longer by the minute. He had to hurry; he couldn't waste any time testing his new singing voice. He would have to have enough trust in himself that the invention he constructed worked. Without locking the car, Heinz ran out to join the crowd. And after hours and hours of endless waiting, it was his time to shine.

"Next," the man at the entrance said. Heinz walked up to get scanned. He was clear, and proceeded to the try-out room.

_Alright, man, be calm. It's just a try-out. It's not like if you don't make it your whole dreams are shattered. Okay, that last statement was a lie. But you can do it! You poured your heart and soul into this! Just take a deep breath, and proceed._

Heinz opened the heavy, sound-proof double doors that lead to a tiny, compressed room. And there at the head of the room were Danny, Bobby, and Swampy—Love Händel.

"Oh my God," Heinz squeezed out in barely a whisper; hardly he himself had heard it.

_Heinz, they're just people. Regular people like any other. Don't think of them as your future or major celebrities, think of them as… uh…_

"Well?" Danny interrupted. "Are you gonna start?"

Heinz stepped further into the room so that he was just a few feet away from their desk.

"Oh, yes, excuse me," he answered, embarrassed by just standing like he was frozen at the doorway.

"Name?" Bobby asked.

"Heinz. Doofenshmirtz! Heinz Doofenshmirtz," Heinz answered shakily.

"Mm hmm," Swampy answered. "So what are you gonna sing?"

Heinz took another deep breath and swallowed. "_You Snuck Your Way Right into My_ _Heart_."

"Ooo, déjà vu, huh guys?" Bobby answered harshly. "How many people can possibly choose this song? It's not the _only _song in the world! There are others!"

The room went silent.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go!" Bobby urged, impatient from a long day of judging.

Heinz, once again, took a breath and began.

_"You put up barriers to shield our emotions; a wall that we could never break apaaaaaart. You tip-toed in and you got under my skin. You snuck your way right into my heart!"_

All three of the Love Händel's members' jaws fell to the floor. They had never heard anything sound so marvelous in their entire lives.

_Oh my God, was that seriously me!? _Heinz thought. _It, it, it worked! I didn't fail! Something actually worked out! Yes! Ah, sweet defeat has slapped me in the face and I am enjoying the burn!_

Danny was the first to speak up. "That… was… amazing."

"Definitely not déjà vu this time, huh Bobby?" Swampy said while elbowing Bobby in the side.

"Wow, well I've got to say," Bobby began to apologize, "that was outstanding. Excuse me for my fit earlier."

_Whoa, Love Händel just apologized to me! Me! Heinz Doofenshmirtz! The world's biggest freak has just turned important!_

Danny, Bobby, and Swampy began discussing to themselves, with a lot of "yeses" and "you're rights!" added in. Heinz stood frozen; he still hadn't said a word since he had sung. _This is it, Heinz, they're discussing your future! Look confident, _he thought to himself. Heinz stood up straight with his hands behind his back awaiting the verdict.

"Well," Swampy began, "congrats, dude. You're in."

Heinz almost had a heart attack. He was in! He was the lead singer of Love Händel! The news hit him like a freight train, and it took all the energy he had to control himself from spazzing out.

"I'm in? As in, I'm the new lead singer?" Heinz spit out.

"Yep. We've got your contact info here, we'll call ya soon," Danny answered.

"Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!" Heinz threw his arms up in the air and ran out of the room, screaming wildly as he ran to his car.

"I AM THE NEW LEAD SINGER OF LOVE HÄNDEL! YES! WAH HA HA HA!" Heinz laughed as he sat down. "And it's all thanks to _you_."

He pulled out his ray and kissed the top of it. "Thanks."

Heinz drove away from the Danville Arena in a hurry waiting to call Matt… and maybe Allison. All of his dreams had just come true. Why not share?


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter 7_

In just one short night, Heinz had called everyone he knew to let them know of his major accomplishment. It seemed like everyone in town knew about it. And his parents were even proud! A couple days after the try-out on a Wednesday was when Heinz got his first call from Love Händel.

"Hello?" Heinz answered, skipping 'the Doofenshmirtzes' bit he usually did.

"Hey. This is Heinz, right?"

"Yes."

"Oh, hey dude, it's Danny. So we're gonna have our first practice tomorrow. Sorry about the short notice, but we just decided on the date tonight. 'Cause we've got a, um… concert Saturday…" Danny answered a bit nervously for the little amount of time they had to practice.

"So we've only got a few days until my first appearance?" Heinz asked, both nervous and excited.

"Uh, yep. That's not a, uh, problem is it?"

"Oh, no! Not at all! No worries."

"Ya sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay, great. Well Swampy's gonna e-mail you the directions to where we practice, and I guess we'll see you tomorrow."

"I guess you will."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Heinz hung up the phone with his heart pumping. In just a matter of days he would be living his dream—superstardom. The only one person he hadn't called to tell was Allison. He wanted to keep it a surprise and buy her tickets to their first concert so that she could find out then. Although Heinz wasn't surprised if she had heard through the grape vine already. He decided to give Allison a call. She answered on the second ring.

"This is Allison," she answered softly.

"Hey, All, it's Heinz."

"Heinz! Hey, how are you?"

"Good, thanks. So I was wondering if you'd like to go to a Love Händel concert with me this Saturday."

"So… like a date?" Allison asked.

"…in a way."

"Well, yes, I'd love to go! Thank you so much!"

"Do you want me to pick you up?"

"Sure. What time?"

"Uh…" Heinz said. He wasn't sure of the time; Danny had forgotten to mention it. "Hold on one second." He hung up the phone and redialed Danny's number.

"Ello?"

"Danny, it's Heinz."

"Oh, hey. Look, the guys and I just finished writing a really awesome song… and we were kinda thinking of premiering it at this Saturday's concert. I know this is also really sudden, and we feel sorry about the pressure, but do you think you can do it?"

Heinz was pretty quick at memorizing things—that's how he had always excelled in school. "Yeah, I can do it," he answered in haste. He would do anything to impress Allison that night.

"Really, man?" Danny asked.

"Definitely."

"Well, cool!"

"Look, I have one more question. When will the concert start?"

"The concert on Saturday?"

"No, really?" Heinz said sarcastically.

"Sorry. It starts at seven."

"Great. Bye." Heinz hung up the phone again and quickly called back Allison.

"Heinz?" she answered.

"Yeah. Sorry I was gone so long."

"No problem."

"The concert starts at seven… so I'll pick you up at six. Is that okay?"

"Yes, that's perfect! See you Saturday? Or, I guess tomorrow, school…"

"Ha ha, yes. Bye."

"Good night," Allison said.

Heinz once again hung up the phone for the night and began to mentally prepare for the practice he had tomorrow. He was going to need plenty of sleep to memorize a whole new song.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Alright you guys," Bobby began as the band members crowded in the middle of the room. Or, uh, shed, "we've got a concert Saturday, as you know. And here's the new song." He handed the music and lyrics to Heinz. "We're gonna practice our butts off today to make sure everything is perfect. And it's going to be perfect. And when it's perfect, it will sky-rocket to number one at the top of the charts. Why? Because this song is gonna _rock_," Bobby finished preaching with sure confidence. Heinz continued looking over the sheet music; he had started to study how to read music a few days before the try-outs for Love Händel, and he was getting pretty good at it.

"Hmm, this is good, I like it," Heinz said, giving the music a final scan. "What about the beat, how does it go?"

"Well, it's kind of a techno beat, kinda," Swampy said, concentrating on a piece of cake in the corner of the room.

"Ugh, no, that's all wrong!" Bobby yelled. "It's more of a pop-ish beat—which is new to us."

"No, Bobby's right, it is more of a techno song," Danny said, following Swampy's gaze to the cake.

"Well, again, how does it sound?" Heinz asked.

"It's kind of a 'doo-doo-doo-doo-chh-ddvvv-doo-doo-chh'," Swampy said, twirling his fork in circles above his head.

"Wow, that was really helpful," Heinz said sarcastically. "And, why do you have a fork and when did you get that fork?"

"Dunno," he answered, "I found it in this chair."

"Ugh, here, I'll play the rhythm for you," Bobby said, ignoring Swampy's comment as he headed to the keyboard. And after playing the chorus, Heinz started singing along.

"Oh, I see where this is going. I like it."

"Yeah, it is good. So this morning we were going over the lyrics again, and we were thinking that at toward the end of the song you could sing 'I am a super star' on last time as the finale," Danny said.

"Why would I sing that?"

"Because that's what the song has to do with—becoming super stars, trying to chase your dreams to become the best of the best," Bobby interrupted

_Sounds familiar… _Heinz thought to himself.

"Okay, but how should I sing it?"

"So that it goes along with the melody; and hold out the end of 'star'," he added. "Oh, and sing on a lower pitch."

"I can do that."

"Great, now who wants cake?" Swampy cut in, still not paying attention to what anyone was saying.

"You're so random!" Danny yelled. "I have absolutely no idea what toxic waste dump we dug you up from."

"… I'll take that as a compliment," Swampy laughed.

"So we should probably start practicing now, you guys," Bobby said, once again taking charge as strapped his base guitar around his shoulders.

"Alright," Danny agreed, getting his guitar ready as well. "Heinz, do you wish to start?"

"Um, sure."

After a few hours of intense practicing, the band finally had the entire thing memorized.

"Well, it seems like I'm not the only fast learner," Heinz said, out of breath from singing for so long.

"Nah, we suck at that whole learning thing—which is why we became musicians. Besides, we've had, like, a jillion other practices to get ready for this thing," Danny answered, using his sleeve to wipe the sweat from his face.

"So, I guessed we're finished then?" Swampy asked, not to anyone in particular, but just to get his thought heard out loud.

"No," Bobby began, taking charge again, "we'll practice one more time, and then we can go. Okay, from the chorus. I'll play the intro. Heinz, come in on beat four."

_Because…_

_You will know we're super stars_

_When you see how far we've come_

_Wishing on a star in the sky_

_Tryin' to climb…_

_Higher and higher_

_And higher_

_And higher_

_And higher_

_Oh!_

'_Cause we'll be super stars_

_We'll tussle with the best_

_And we won't ever rest_

_Until we reach the tooooooop, oh!_

_Because we're super stars_

_Super stars_

_Su-su-super stars_

_Super stars_

_Super stars_

_I am a… super… staaaaar!_

"Great…" Danny whispered, "now pause with a straight face."

And of course because that comment was made, everyone began bursting with laughter.

"We've got it! I think we've finally got it!" Heinz rejoiced, throwing his music sheets in the air. "I would so hug you guys if it wasn't gay!"

"Alright, well good job, rookie," Danny said to Heinz, quickly striking the top of his hair. "I'll see you on Saturday."

"Yes you will!"

"Danville Arena, seven o'clock?"

"I'll be there!"

"And are you _sure _you don't want the tour bus to pick you up?" Danny asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. I promised to escort someone special," Heinz said, smiling to himself.

"Okay, well see ya."

"Bye!" Heinz ran from the "shack" to the car where he drove home to call Matt once again. For formally being known as a quiet guy, Heinz was definitely beginning to break out of his shell.


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8_

**_"The Shack" - 8:00 p.m._**

"Ya know," Swampy said while polishing the cymbals on his drum set, "the nickname for this dump is growing on me."

"'The Shack'? Yeah, I guess it's alright. Who came up with the name anyway?" Danny answered, tuning his guitar.

"I thought you did," Swampy replied.

"No."

"Yeah ya did! The other day over the phone."

"I did not! I haven't even called you recently!" Danny yelled, aggravated.

"You sure?" Swampy answered, beginning to get confused as usual.

"Yes I'm sure!"

"Then who was I talking to on the phone? And more importantly, who came up with the name?"

"Gaah! It doesn't matter who came up with the stupid name!" Bobby screamed, pacing back and forth.

"Hmm, what's got you all worked up, mister?" Danny asked.

"Nothing... only that HEINZ WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE HALF AN HOUR AGO!" Bobby frantically continued pacing, watching the clock and monitoring every second that went by.

"Dude, don't be so uptight," Swampy criticized. "Rock stars are supposed to be lazy, late to gigs, and stuff like that. It makes them look _cool_."

"Yeah, _you _would know! Because you're just the King of Cool, aren't you?" Bobby said sarcastically. "Although... you may be the King of Lazy."

"Guys, calm down," Danny intervened. "Geez. You're all acting like a bunch of babies."

And as if on cue, there was a knock on the door. "Could one of you get that?" Swampy asked. "I'm the King of Lazy, remember?" Danny began mumbling to himself as he reached toward the door knob.

"Hey you guys!" Heinz answered with a wide grin spread across his face.

Danny turned his head back inside toward the rest of the band. "You guys, it's Heinz. Guess he's not dead after all..." Upon hearing this, Bobby sprinted to the front of the door and pushed Danny out of the way. "Heinz, where the heck have you been!?"

"Sorry, I know we were supposed to practice today, but..."

"Grrr! You can't just blow us off, Heinz! Our concert is TOMORROW!" Bobby answered, steaming. His face was so red that smoke could've poured out of his ears at any second.

"Whoa whoa whoa! I'm not bailing on you guys. I'm late because... well... come out here!" Heinz grabbed their hands and led them to just a few feet outside of The Shack where something was set up. It looked like an old telephone booth, but the windows were replaced by metal. A large light was carefully perched on top of the contraption. "TA DA!!" Heinz yelled, using his hands to point to the machine.

Swampy walked outside with a Coke in his hand. "Whoa. What the heck is that?" he asked plainly, beginning to sip his soda again.

"It's my... Clothes-Change-inator!" Heinz exclaimed. "Bobby," he continued, placing his arm around Bobby's shoulder, "you know how you were always complaining about how long it takes to change outfits between songs? Well here's your answer!" Heinz led the band behind the booth where a big metal box attached to the back. He opened the door, and revealed four different spaces decked with hangers and different racks to store clothes.

"All you do is put your outfits in the back here. I separated it into four compartments, one for each of us. Then when you step into the booth, there will be four different buttons with our names on them. You press the button with your name on it, and the machine automatically dresses and undresses you! All we have to do is worry about putting the clothes in order in the back, that way we're not all dressed for different acts."

Danny, Bobby, and Swampy all stood mouth agape in awe of the miraculous invention. Swampy was the first to speak up. "That's cool."

"Yeah it is!" Bobby said, beginning to inspect the Clothes-Change-inator. "So does it really work?"

"Yep," Heinz answered confidently. "I used it on myself this morning."

"Aaah, yes!" Danny yelled excitedly. "Finally! This officially solves all of our problems! Heinz, you're a life saver!"

Heinz began blushing deeply and tried to hide his face. "Naaw, you're just sayin' that..."

"So I guess the practice is off. The only reason for this was to get better at changing faster," Bobby concluded.

"THAT'S IT!" Swampy suddenly yelled, looking up from his soda. "Heinz was the one that came up with 'The Shack'!" Danny nudged him with his elbow.

"Alright, well this is it, guys," Danny continued, changing the subject. "Tomorrow's our concert!"

"Finally. I've been looking forward to tomorrow for a very long time," Heinz added.

"Well, I'm gonna get home. You guys get some sleep," Bobby said, yawning after a long day of worrying.

* * *

**_The Day of the Concert - 6:00 p.m._**

Heinz slowly drove up to Allison's house, making sure he didn't start hyperventilating from nervousness.

_Heinz, it's just a date. Actually it's not even classified as a date. It's just... a meeting. Kind of. Kind of a meeting. It's more like a date/meeting. Like a 'deeting'__. Or a 'mate'. Shoot! I knew something about dating AND mating would come up in my thoughts!! Ugh, Heinz, concentrate._

He slowly pulled his car into Allison's driveway taking a few more deep breaths. Heinz took one final glance into his side mirror, stepped out of the car, and slowly approached the door. But before he could even knock, Allison ran out and hugged him.

"Heinz!"

"Uhh... h-hey," he replied shakily.

"I just can't get over how exciting this is! Your first concert! And you're performing in it!"

"Ha ha, yeah. Well come on, let's go."

"I'm right behind you!" Allison squealed eagerly.

After driving for forty minutes, they arrived at the Danville Arena.

"Alright, Allison, you know where to go, right?" Heinz asked.

"Yeah, I've got my tickets right here," she answered, pointing to them.

"Great. See you after the concert."

Heinz sprinted to backstage, it was fifteen minutes until show time and traffic had been a lot heavier than he expected.

"You guys!" Heinz heard Bobby say as soon as he entered the room. "Heinz is finally here!"

Danny and Swampy ran to join Heinz and Bobby at the entrance. "Where have you been?!" Danny questioned. "Do you realize what time it is!?"

"Yes, yes, I know. And... Hey, I guess the Clothes-Change-inator worked, huh?" Heinz said, examining their outfits.

"Oh, yeah, it did," Swampy answered. "We had it installed this morning."

"And speaking of which," Bobby cut in, "_you've _got to get changed _now_!" Bobby attempted to push Heinz into the booth before Danny stopped him.

"One second you guys," Danny said, grabbing Heinz's wrist and forcing him into a chair.

"Alright, you waste your time talking, me and Swampy are going on stage to tune up before the curtain rises."

Danny ignored him and began talking. "Look, we've decided that we're doing our newest song first, _We'll Be Super Stars_. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Heinz agreed.

"Great."

"THREE MINUTES UNTIL CURTAIN! THREE MINUTES!" a voice echoed over the loud speaker.

"Oh, I've gotta go!" Danny exclaimed. "Hurry and go get changed, and good luck tonight, you'll do great!" Danny ran out onto the stage and out of sight.

Heinz made his way to the Clothes-Change-inator and walked inside. _This is it! _he thought. _You've been waiting all you're life for this! Congrats, buddy! _And with that final thought, Heinz pressed the button to get changed. Except nothing happened.

"Hmm..." he said curiously, and pressed the button again. But exactly the same thing happened; nothing.

"ONE MINUTE UNTIL CURTAIN! ONE MINUTE!" Heinz heard the voice call again.

"OH, DANG IT! Why won't this work!?" he screamed while pressing the button over and over again.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Heinz heard a voice from the stage saying. "Are you ready to rock?!" Cheers from the crowd over-powered the stage and pounded against his eardrums. "Then get ready for LOVE HÄNDEL!" The crowd's cheers became louder and louder as the curtain slowly rolled up, revealing each member of the band.

_Are they really starting without me? _Heinz thought, becoming even more worried and in a hurry. _Why does this always happen to me?!_ Heinz became extremely frustrated and pounded the button the hardest he could. And with a few strange noises, the machine was functioning again. Although it wasn't working the way it should...

The arms removed Heinz's shirt and pants and leaving him in his underwear like normal, but then put on his shoes. Usually it would put on the outfit's pants and shirt before the shoes. And these shoes weren't even shoes, they were roller skates!

"Oh, darn, what's going on?!"

And out of no where, one of the mechanical arms tied a piece of purple cloth around his neck, and Heinz let out a blood-curdling scream.

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP! THE MACHINE'S TRYING TO STRANGLE ME!"

Then upon screaming, he accidentally leaned on another one of the buttons, which really messed up the machine. The mechanical arms started angrily flying everywhere, when all of a sudden one hit Heinz and shot him out of the booth.

"No no no! What's going on?! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SKATE!" Heinz screamed, both terrified for his life, and embarrassed that he was wearing nothing but his underwear. But he knew that this wasn't going to end nicely, he was heading directly toward the stage.

_Alright, alright, get a grip! I'm heading to the stage... what do I do? Improvise! Okay, well my solo is coming up in just a few seconds, so by the time I make it out there, I'll be able to sing it! Let's get it over with..._

As soon as Heinz reached the stage he attempted to act as professional as possible when singing his line. For once, he thought that he could turn a huge mistake around. But that hope didn't last for long.

"Because..." the rest of the band sang.

"I AM A _SUUUUUUPAH STAAAAAAAAAAHHHH_!!!" Heinz squealed out as he wobbled across the stage. There was a huge gasp from the crowd before they went completely silent.

_OH MY GOD! HOW DID MY VOICE GET BACK TO NORMAL??!! _Heinz thought as he tried to skate off the stage as quickly as possible. But once he was off the stage, he flew right into a bathroom from across the stage and landed head first into a toilet.

"IT WON'T STOP FLUSHING!!" Heinz screamed. And at that moment Danny, Bobby, and Swampy pulled him out of the toilet.

"He he he," Heinz laughed nervously. "H-Hey guys..."

"Sir, uh..." the stage director began to ask Danny.

"Not now," Danny answered seriously. The rest of the band gave Heinz the death glare for a long period of time before Bobby just stomped out the door and into the parking lot.

"Oh, Bobby, don't go," Heinz pleaded.

"Heinz, WHAT HAPPENED?!" Danny yelled. "How come you sucked out there!? I mean, God, that was terrible! First you were late, then you came out dressed EXTREMELY embarrassingly, then your singing! Ugh, your singing! Your clothes of choice might have been ignored if your singing didn't sound like a dying seal!"

Heinz looked down at his knees, disappointed in himself. He had no choice but to tell them the truth. He let out a large sigh. "I cheated in your contest. I can't really sing. I made an invention that would make me sing better than anyone else. But I only did it because it was my dream to become a famous singer! I thought I had made the blast permanent... but I guess not... apparently."

Danny became even more angry, so Swampy answered for him. "I think what Danny is trying to say is, have you ever considered _singing lessons_?"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M THINKING YOU IDIOT!" Danny screamed, then slapped him across the face. "Ya know what, that's it! I'm outta here!" And with that, Danny left in a huff behind Bobby.

Heinz and Swampy awkwardly stared at each other, wondering what to do next. "I, um, think I saw some cake over there," Swampy lied and ran off the scene.


	9. Epilogue

_Epilogue_

**_The Following Monday_**

Heinz awoke that Monday feeling one hundred times terrible than he ever had before. After a HUGE embarrassment at his first—and probably only—concert, there was absolutely no way he could bear to show his face in public again. Uneagerly sitting up in bed, Heinz looked at the clock. "Four a.m. again and another sleepless night. How long is this stupid concert memory going to keep me from getting some decent rest?" he groaned, then picked up the remote to watch some television to help pass the time.

"Thanks, Jill, for that wonderful weather forecast," the news caster announced. "In other news, the biggest fumble of the year! We heard from our station earlier this morning that the Love Händel concert that was premiering their newest member, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, as well as their newest song took a turn for the worst! Last Saturday, just a few minutes after seven p.m., Heinz _roller skated_ on the stage, off of the stage, and crashed head-first into the toilet across the hall! And on top of that, the supposed 'musical protégé' turned out to be the worst singer the world has ever seen! To see the actual video for yourself, check out our website's homepage!" And with that being said, Heinz ran up to the television and threw it to the floor until it was broken.

"Stupid news channels, it's like they have nothing better to talk about but others' insecurities! What about the things that really matter?! What happened to reporting about the economy, for God's sake!?" Heinz ranted to himself. He threw on the first items of clothing he saw and walked downstairs. Purposefully not greeting his parents, Heinz made a hasty retreat to his father's car and reluctantly drove to school.

_Heinz, be calm. The whole darn mishap has only started being broad casted today. You still have a good chance at having a good school day. But tomorrow... tomorrow's a different story; news will get around by then. And Allison! Oh Allison! What am I gonna say to her!? Great._

Heinz turned on the car's radio to help calm his nerves, but instead he began feeling even more guilty about the huge façade he put on.

"Yup, Ricky, we now have definite confirmation that Love Händel's popularity has been trampled into the ground."

"Really? In just one night?" Ricky asked Bill.

"Uh huh. Stores used to sell truckloads and boatloads of Love Händel's CDs _every day_, but ever since that skating incident, they haven't sold one CD."

"What a shame, what a shame. I even heard rumors that the crowd booed Love Händel off the stage!"

"Well that's cold, y'all," Bill mumbled to himself, keeping his head down; almost as if he was trying to show reverence. "So what craze is going to replace Love Händel now that they're out of the picture? The music industry lived off of the money made from selling their albums."

"Says here that there's some chick named Lindana that's been catching everyone's attention," Ricky answered.

"Pfff... _Lindana_?! She won't stand a chance."

Heinz turned off the radio with a blank glare on his face. He'd decided that he'd had enough emotional abuse for one day.

Immediately after finding his parking spot and stepping out of his car, Heinz heard a huge wave of laughter. And slowly looking up, he saw almost the entire school staring at him pointing and laughing. Heinz tried to ignore them and ran to his first class. _Hmm... news in this country gets around faster than I thought._

But in Mrs. McKenzie's class, things were about to get worse. A few seconds after arriving at his desk, he heard a familiar sound followed by laughter coming from his teacher's computer. He peeked over Mrs. McKenzie's shoulder to see what it was, and what do you know, it's the video of him skating in his underwear. Heinz let out an involuntary gasp and sulked into his chair. And when he looked up a minute later, Allison was hovering over him. She did not look happy judging from the expression on her face.

"H-hey Allison..." Heinz whispered, beginning to sweat.

"You lied to me," Allison scolded sternly. "How dare you!"

"No! I wasn't! Well, er, actually, I kinda..." But before Heinz could get another word in, Allison simply slapped him and walked out of the room steaming.

* * *

"And the rest of the day basically followed the same path..." Doofenshmirtz sighed, fading back into reality. "It was _not _good."

Perry chuckled to himself, greatly humored at the doctor's clumsiness.

"So after that I changed schools. Matt completely ignored me after word about me cheating in the competition got out, and Allison never talked to me again. Although I was offered my own reality TV show."

Perry shook his head in disbelief.

"... But I didn't take the deal. I didn't want to be known as, 'the guy who ruined Love Händel', ya know what I mean?"

Perry nodded yes and picked up one of the magazines next to his chair.

"So what about you, Perry the Platypus? Any interesting stories?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, eagerly waiting for Perry to respond.

But Agent P's response was simply a chirp.

_The End_


End file.
